A Little Worried

Hello Stranger, 

It’s been quite a while since I’ve blogged. I was hoping my blog would come following Sunday, my first half marathon. Well I can’t hold it in anymore. I apologize in advance if you are reading this, it’s going to be scrambled and all over the place… I just need to vent a little. 

I’m dying with anxiousness and I’m terrified. I cannot trust in the training, I’ve failed to train properly, I slacked and did not follow my plan. I did not reach the maximum distance nor did I do strength training or hills or speed training. I am utterly out of shape and the heaviest I have ever been in my entire life. Gaining 7 pounds in the last month alone… On top of all that, I am injured. I have been seeing a chiropractor/sports doctor for the last two weeks after injuring my knee two weeks prior to that during an 8km race to get the season started. I destroyed my knee that day and rested an entire week, ran and found myself in excruciating pain again. I couldn’t walk. I couldn’t move. Laying in bed was painful. I had given myself patellar tendinitis. Okay fine we figured it out during the first diagnosis and the doctor did some therapy (ultrasound? andd laser) and acupuncture… First time.. Weird. I didn’t enjoy it. Next morning after my first treatment, my foot hurt, a lot, and I was off to a 10km race… So, I did the race in a lot of pain, saw the doctor a handful of times since to treat both my foot and knee and I’m still in pain. I can’t even run 2kms without feeling like my foot is going to rip apart, how am I ever going to finish 21k?!!!! I just want to curl up and cry because I want to do this run sooooooo bad. At this point I’ll most likely be walking it but that means 4+ hours for what I was hoping for 2 Β½ hours. I guess the time doesn’t matter really anymore. I just want to be able to finish, not be in pain, and be able to walk afterwards. My knee is aching and my foot is throbbing. I just did less than 2 KMs of WALKING…. This is going to be the biggest challenge I’ve ever faced.

Please don’t lecture me or try to talk me out of it. I understand. My common sense says yes I should sit this one out, no harm no foul. My stubbornness and determination says I signed up, this is what I wanted, why not try instead of giving up?!! I realize I can injure myself more and feel even more useless than I do now but I will spend the rest of my life wondering what if. 

I’m so torn… I know and understand it is okay to not run/walk this race. I just know how disappointed I will be in myself if I don’t at least try. I’d rather than a DNF than a DNS (did not finish over did not start) but most importantly, I’d much rather have a Finisher status! *sigh* 

That is all. That is where I have been lately. Being depressed about my weight, not comfortable in my own skin at all, not running, eating like a fatso, and doing nothing about it. 

Time to go curl up and try to put on a brave face… 


Categories: blog | Tags: , , , | 12 Comments

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12 thoughts on “A Little Worried

  1. I wouldn’t try and talk you out of it, but, think longer term. In May last year I noticed a pain in my calf a few days before a 10K. I ignored it and iced it until race day, after 4 miles it started to hurt and gradually got worse. To cut a long story short I crossed the line and I’d ripped the calf well and good, so that was 2014 wrote off. Whatever you decide to do good luck.

    • I think I’m in denial. I don’t want to believe it’s as serious as it could be. I know I’m okay walking so I’m leaning towards walking the entire distance. Slow but I’ll still finish. Thank you πŸ™‚

  2. Oh none of that sounds good. We all know the sensible thing to do but most of us would not do the sensible thing. So no advice form me but lots of best wishes with whatever you decide to do. X

  3. I am useless as taking advice (Don’t run, don’t run…) So I won’t give any either (you’d be crazy to run).
    I just hope that somewhere amongst the words of support (seriously? Do you want to be out of action for even longer?) a still, small voice of clarity (come on, joking aside, you even said it yourself) speaks to you in some way (think about where you’ll be even a couple of months down the line) and you make a decision you are comfortable with (as opposed to one that leaves you in a ton more pain!).
    Yeah, so good luck in listening to your institution. Genuinely hope you feel better soon (but soon does not mean earlier than whatever it is takes to heal).

    • *intuition

    • I love your post! I can’t help but deny the severity of this. I just can’t accept it. I am more on the side of walking. I’ll most likely be last because there are no walkers in this race, at least I’ll finish! Thank you so much for the words of wisdom πŸ™‚

      • I have no words of wisdom.
        If you read something additional into my comment it must have been coming from somewhere deep within your own subconscious mind (and it was probably right).

      • I’ve succumbed. I will walk. I have walked for a couple hours without pain since the injury so I should be safe. Just no true running. Probably not even a jog or trot. Just walking. πŸ™‚

  4. Don’t feel beaten there could be some other activity you could look in to for a while, build your strength of body and mind up a bit more gently. If you take care of yourself it will return. It seems like a long road but it will happen for you, it’s happened to athletes famous and infamous, they take it easy and return after recovery. Good luck to you πŸ™‚

    • Bitty!! Thank you πŸ™‚ I am definitely taking it easier. I hope you’ve been doing well in the last few months, will have to catch up on your blog.

      • Don’t worry, i haven’t posted much for quite a while, just been too tired – trying to get back into the swing of it tho, so with a rainy day ahead, i might just get too it :-). Take good care of yourself – glad you are taking it easy x

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