I’m Alive

Hi there,

I don’t even know where to begin. It seems I’m always cycling back to writing this message. I appologize in advance as this may come off as a very negative post but it is not, I just need to vent a little. I’m sorry I have not been running or blogging or following your blog. I’m sorry to myself and feel ashamed to consider myself a runner. I am no runner. It has been almost an entire month since my last run. I made every excuse possible to not run. It’s too cold, it’s too dark, I’m in another province (Wahoo, my eldest brother got married and I was away for over a week), etc, etc, etc.

November 10 Run: 35:49 (mm:ss), 4.07 km, 8’47″/km

These stats are based on my Nike+ GPS SportsWatch. I did my first run of the season on my treadmill this morning. I have finally put it together, since moving to my new home back in June, with the support of a great friend. The treadmill stats say I ran less but faster so I’m not even sure what to believe anymore. I’ll stick to the GPS watch as that will be the one constant that will follow me when I do run outdoors.

Mentally, I always want to run and I always feel like it’s the one thing that’s missing in my day. So how is it that I don’t do it and come up with all these excuses? Am I that weak mentally to not be able to push myself? Even today’s run, I followed the treadmill’s running plan to Run hard for 30 seconds (between a 6-7.4 mph pace) and jog/walk for 90 seconds (between 3.9-5 mph pace). My pace for today overall was ridiculously slow. However, I’m not upset about this at all, it is my first run in almost a month! I am just disappointed with always feeling sorry for myself and disappointed I keep finding excuses. What’s wrong with me? I want to do this!! It is tough when I do it, I can’t breathe right still but I love doing it. I love writing my blog and following your blog for inspiration, yet I’ve fallen behind on that as well. If I love to do something so much why do I keep myself away from it? Okay, I get it, I’m just ranting now and need to stop.

On other news, there’s only 4 more weeks until the Santa 5K!!! I’m excited to do this fun run for myself. It feels a little odd not doing fundraising or a charity support on this. It will be fun and probably super cold! If you have a suggested 5k run plan for 4 weeks (or 7 week to the 5K Resolution Run on December 31st), please send it over (dmach88@gmail.com)!! I’m looking to increase my speed as I was running a 5K in around 36-38 minutes. I’d like to be running at the average speeds around 30-35 minutes for a 5k but can’t seem to get myself there. Do you have any good plans?

runcanmoreI’ve been thinking about so many things to write but here I am expressing to you my shame with how I have one again fallen off the tracks. I’m not disappointed with my run today, I am disappointed with all the runs I didn’t do. I was in one of the most beautiful places during my vacation for my brother’s wedding, Banff (where I’d like to retire one day and Canmore, where his wedding actually was). I even brought my running shoes and all my “cold” weather running gear. I did not run. 😦

This post could go on for pages about how disappointed I am and how many runs I have missed; but, I’ll leave it at, I am still very happy with my life and enjoying everything else in my life. Work is a challenge as always and I have not made enough time for my friends but what I do get to do and what I choose to do every day, I am Happy. I need to make more time and create more energy. 🙂

I will end this post with a question to you all, what are your limits? When do you decide it is treadmill time? Is it because it’s pitch black outside by 5 PM before  you even leave work, is it when it falls below 0 degrees celsius? How do you find motivation to run outside? (I want to run outside!! The treadmill was good and comfortable because I was warm, but nothing like being outdoors).

For all my followers, please forgive me.

Sincerely,

rundmach

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2 thoughts on “I’m Alive

  1. I feel your pain. There are times I fall off the running wagon – usually it starts with something “legit” like sickness, injury or work demands and then its too easy to find other reasons not to run or work out. The important thing is that you find the “restart” button and don’t look back!

    In terms of treadmill…I hate it. I love being outside, even in the dark and cold. I don’t do heat or summer running, so actually prefer winter running. I believe you are from London as well – City of London keeps the path system from Greenway to Springbank plowed all winter – the park is beautiful and a great motivation – I usually go for my long runs Saturday or Sunday in the daylight hours.

    During the week it is tougher when it seems like it is always dark. There is not better feeling though, than arriving at your desk to start your day knowing you have already ran 5km!

    • Hey Kelly! You are so right. It started with work then vacation/wedding and sheer laziness afterwards.

      I’m actually in Burlington (near Oakville) and unfortunately, where I moved the only trail close by is by lit (very scary) and running the main roads suck too. The area I’m in is a bit “snobby” and I’ve been about a foot away from cars hitting me too many times in this area. I may just need to travel to better run areas.

      I’m glad it’s cooler and you like running. I enjoyed the summer running for the most part. Anything over 30 was a missed run though. You are right with arriving to work having already completed a run. Maybe I will try running in the mornings outside, the treadmill was a pain! Warm but not as enjoyable.

      Thanks for reading and your support. 🙂
      Have a wonderful week!

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